A few years ago, I wrote a satirical column about how today’s young men were a bit soft and lacked some of the basic skills that the men of previous generations possessed.
If any of you remember, the satirical tone of the column was lost on a lot of folks and the column resulted in a whirlwind of Facebook comments that were quite personal and derogatory, a little bit of hate mail, and a long weekend of fielding insults toward myself and my wife.
Since then, I have written more than one column that has come across to some people as prickly and the hate mail and snarky comments have been more amusing than insulting.
Since then, I have not been able to repeat the infamy of that column no matter how hard I try. I’ve broached a number of subjects with nary a murmur from the general public. I would like to throw some ideas at each and every one of you and see which would irk you the most.
I don’t guarantee I will write about any of these, but you never know. A lot of the mainstream media is southbound bovine refuse anyway, so take it for what you will.
Women’s Rights and Why Can’t I Get A Decent Sandwich At Home?
My wife is a wonderful cook and can create masterpieces out of pretty much anything, so why can’t she make a decent sandwich? I mean, I’m not asking for a Monte Cristo or a turkey club, just some ham and swiss and some rye with a little bit of honey mustard and lettuce.
I told her it was not that difficult and she didn’t even have to use that crock pot of hers that she likes so much. I think she likes it because she can put stuff in it and let it cook by itself and she can do things like whatever she does when I am not home.
When I suggested she watch some YouTube videos on sandwich making, she walked away and has not spoken to me. It’s been a couple of weeks and still no sandwiches. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa and the sofa is not far from the kitchen, so I don’t see what the big issue is.
Am I the only one who misses a good old fashioned wet t-shirt contest?
They used to be everywhere and now you can’t find one at all. Those and mud wrestling. Mud wrestling should be in the Olympics by now. Don’t say anything about the bikinis, either, because I know you have seen what the beach volleyball players wear and that’s in the Olympics. I wonder what a gold medalist in mud wrestling would look like. Probably pretty scary and mean and wouldn’t look all that great in a bikini. Of course, the bikinis usually come off in mud wrestling, so I don’t know if that would be a bonus or a punishment.
Police officers and race.
Someone needs to do an exposé on this. We don’t hear enough about this in the media. I’m sure the fine officers of the Indiana State Police have a dickens of a time directing traffic this time of year with the Indianapolis 500. Race day must be especially taxing and stressful. We as responsible journalists have a responsibility to bring these issue to light.
Gun control.
It’s actually quite simple. It’s a balance between weight and caliber. Make sure your feet are apart, shoulders wide, extend your arms out all the way, holding the gun in your strong hand and supporting with the other. Don’t jerk the trigger, don’t look away from the sights, and your shots are guaranteed to hit the 10 ring. When using a shotgun, lead the clay, getting slightly ahead of it, so when you take your shot, the pellets and the clay pigeon meet at the same spot. You’ll be scoring high in no time.
Be sure to reach out if you have any other ideas. I am certainly open to suggestions. I respond fairly quickly, as well. The sofa isn’t that great and my email notifications wake me up anyway. If I get up, I might as well make a sandwich.
Joe Weaver, a native of Baltimore, is a husband, father, pawnbroker and gun collector. From his home in New Bern, he writes on the lighter side of family life.
