WILMINGTON - Ed was nervous.
Today’s performance was going to be the biggest of his career and he knew he would just die if it didn’t go well.
The same sentiment applied to the other two members currently riding with Ed on the way to the venue.
Their vehicle, which Ed was navigating, was packed to the brim with all the various props and instruments the group would need to perform properly.
Ed glanced at the man seated next to him and frowned.
Up until a few days ago, it had been assumed that Ed was to be the “frontman” for today’s show, but at the last minute, management had made the call to move Ed to backup and give the bulk of the spotlight to his shotgun riding passenger.
The group had been rehearsing for months and months for today’s event and Ed had campaigned (loudly) to be given the honor of leading the performance.
And he had been excited about it.
He bragged to all those that would listen about how it was to be him to walk out onto the stage first and to forever cement his name alongside the great performers of his generation.
His premature excitement and aggressive bravado, however, were exactly the reasons management gave to him as to why he wouldn’t be the lead man in today’s performance.
They were afraid his ego couldn’t handle it.
In fact, Ed had been relegated to a glorified chauffeur of sorts so that his passengers could better concentrate and prepare as he guided the trio’s vehicle to the venue.
Because this was a road gig located way out of town, the group rode together already fully dressed in their elaborate, one-of-a-kind costumes.
The group was fully decked out in matching white suits that included all manner of seemingly random belts, zippers, buttons and patches. They all wore wide, platform style boots that made them look taller than they actually were.
The trio arrived as scheduled (3:17 p.m. EST to be exact), thanks in part to not encountering any traffic on the route and making no pit-stops along the way.
Not having a chance to stop en route, Ed was beginning to regret the three large glasses of orange juice he had drunk that morning at breakfast.
It was show-time and Ed had to pee.
But it was too late to find a bathroom anywhere as his partner, underneath a brilliant overhead spotlight, was already strolling, hopping and moon-walking across the stage.
In that moment, Ed made a decision that did not come to light until well after the performance had concluded.
He peed in his suit.
In front of an audience of millions watching live from their homes, Ed “Buzz” Aldrin paused, smiled at the camera, and urinated in his uber-expensive, handmade, one of a kind custom spacesuit, before becoming the 2nd person to set foot on the moon.
Although Neil Armstrong ended up receiving the honor of becoming the first man to walk on the moon, Buzz was not to be upstaged and found a way to claim a moon-first for himself.
The first person to pee on the moon.
On this, the 49th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing, it may be noted that sometimes being number two makes you go number one.
Editor's note: This article was contributed by Caison Craven, a recent addition to the growing family of talented writers at the Richmond Observer.
