As we are now past Memorial Day, I guess we could claim that summer is upon us. Never mind what the calendar tells us the first day is, summer is here.
Summer is the time for vacations and beach trips, concerts and cookouts. I believe one of the things people look forward to most about summer is eating. I know we eat year round, and some of our cold weather holidays are anchored by lavish meals. I assure you I am not forgetting about the Thanksgiving turkey or the Christmas goose. There will be plenty of time for them when the weather is cold and the leaves have fallen. Now is the time for the fun part of the year and the fun part of eating. The weather is just right for eating outside.
I like eating inside as much as the next guy, but there is something a little rebellious and fun about eating outside. It takes much more dexterity and ingenuity to eat outside. A lot of the time, you don’t have a table outside and find yourself juggling a meal and a bunch of side dishes on your lap. If you balance the burger on your knees and keep your knees together, the upper thigh is a perfect place for the cole slaw and the potato salad. Not directly on the thighs, mind you, but in little styrofoam bowls. The larger the thighs, the better the surface to put the little bowls. I once knew a bodybuilder who could put a small buffet on his thighs at a cookout. He ate a lot, so he needed the most room possible. I knew a girl who couldn’t for the life of her balance the burger plate on her knees. She was from the other side of the tracks, so I’ll let you figure out why. Most of the time, she just used a tray.
Portable foods are good for eating outside. Your hamburgers and hot dogs are perfect outside food. Watermelon is another good one. I suppose any melon cut into wedges would be just fine. Sandwiches are good outside foods, perfect for a picnic. You want the foods to be easy and not messy. I don’t recall seeing a bowl of chili con carne at any picnic. A town near us has a chili festival every year and I want to go and see how many people are walking around with chili stains on their shirts. They should give out bibs like the ones you get when you get lobster, but have a big pepper on the front of them and some catchy phrase like “That’s Hot!” or “I’m On Fire!” I’d like to suggest one for the back of the shirt that has that “Stand Back 200 Feet” like a fire truck. I don’t think I need to explain why.
I was at an outdoor party a number of years ago and they had things like caviar and snails. I like caviar and I like snails, but I don’t like to walk around with a plate of either and no table. These are snooty foods and snooty foods need a table. I’m pretty sure this was a disaster waiting to happen, but the caviar-and-snails crowd would be good enough to not mention it if it did happen. There was a bar, so I took my caviar and my snails and sat at the bar and drank free champagne. I think it was an engagement party, but I don’t remember. I think I had about 20 glasses of champagne. If you’re gonna binge on caviar and snails, I can’t think of a better way to wash it down than with champagne that someone else paid for.
I am not part of the champagne-and-snails crowd. I am a beer-and-hot dog kinda guy. A cold beer and a hot dog with chili and cheese or sauerkraut and deli mustard. I like cole slaw and I don’t like potato salad. I like eating outside, but we don’t do it as much as we like at our house. We eat outside at other people’s houses. We go to a big 4th of July party every year and there is an extraordinary amount of comfort foods and drinks. It’s outside and I can drink beer and eat wings and burgers and hot dogs and I can sit at a table. There is no need for balancing your meal on your knees. That girl from the wrong side of the tracks would be right at home.
Joe Weaver, a native of Baltimore, is a husband, father, pawnbroker and gun collector. From his home in New Bern, he writes on the lighter side of family life.
